Anal Sex Advice Part 2

By: Robert Thomson

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This is Anal Sex Advice Part 2. Most people are willing to try playing outside their partner's anus with a finger. In women the closeness of the anus to the vagina means that most men are likely to be on nodding terms with their partner's anus anyway, so it's a small step to incorporating anal play into the sex they have together. I think at this point it's worth reminding you that when people are sexually aroused they often find something acceptable which they'd never contemplate when they were less aroused - and that includes anal play. Which is not to say that you can suddenly spring the idea in the middle of lovemaking - or, worse, start pushing your finger or your penis into your partner's asshole without her agreement - but it is helpful to remember that when you're well into your lovemaking, with perhaps a finger on her clit, and another gently massaging her vulva, and maybe yet another one inside her vagina, she may be more receptive to the idea than when you started making love. So - the message is, if you have agreed to explore anal sex, don't make a beeline for her rosebud. Take it slowly, and be gentle.

The movements you can use on the outside of the anus are just as varied as the ones you can use on any other part of the body. Tickling, stroking, circles, moving around the anus in circles and then moving in close to the center - I mean, just use your imagination! Varying the pressure and direction of the strokes will produce a nice and exciting feeling - and the lighter the touch, the more erotic it may seem to your partner. Just as in all massage and stroking, the key to keeping your partner's interest high is in varying the strokes, perhaps alternating fast and slow movements and light and heavier ones. You will find that your partner's anus will react to your touch in one of two ways depending on how relaxed he or she is - it will either gently lose its tension and the tight puckered center of the opening will relax more, or it will tighten up. In the latter case, you can ask your partner to consciously relax and reassure them that you won't be trying to go into them until they are happy about it.

Playing around and massaging the area near the anus, or the "rosebud" opening itself, but without trying to get in, is often the first step that helps a partner relax and learn to enjoy anal play. So many of us in the west are anally retentive - and even if we're not, a lot of us have tension and fear stuck in this part of the body. A relaxed person tends to have a relaxed anus - so this play might increase your overall sense of well-being, as well as give you some fun!
And of course even better is to play with your own anus if you're tense in that area. Some techniques for learning to let go of anal tension are: to alternately clench your anus and then relax it, so as to learn the difference in feel between the two states; to play with it yourself while you're taking a bath or shower - this can really help you learn how to let go and accept a finger up inside it (I mean, you're more likely to trust yourself with your own anus than anyone else, I guess); and to incorporate some anal play into your masturbation.

Oral play around the anus - which is known as analingus - may be more of a problem for some men than actually putting your penis inside her anus. As for women, I haven't got any statistics, but I should think there might be a bit of resistance to the idea of putting your mouth and tongue on or into your man's anus. And yet, it can be very enjoyable for both parties. Apart from the naughty intimacy of it (I mean, how many people in your life are you going to do this to?), the sensations can be exquisite as a warm moist tongue licks and caresses those sensitive nerve endings.

A light flicking, a heavy probing with the tip of your tongue into your partner's anus, a flattened tongue pressing against the outside of the whole area, a sucking or licking action on the perineum, or any combination of these, can be very exciting. If you are a man doing this to a woman, then you will certainly want to be giving some attention to her clitoris as well, to keep her arousal and interest up.

If anal sex is to be enjoyable, it must not be painful! And if it is painful - something is going wrong. When a man or a woman has a relaxed anus, and is welcoming their partner into their body, both the internal and the external sphincter muscles relax, and there is no pain at all - of course, it has to be that way to make anal sex an enjoyable experience! So if there is pain: STOP. And of course make sure the receptive or passive partner knows they can say STOP if things get uncomfortable. The key to avoiding discomfort is to go slowly in the initial penetration, so that the passive partner learns how to accept and relax the entry of the finger, penis or dildo into their body.

The lining of the rectum is a mucus membrane - like the inside of the mouth - and it is more sensitive and much thinner than the walls of the vagina. So if you massage it with a finger, use the pad of your finger, and make sure your nails are well trimmed.

There are two rings of muscles at this entrance to the body, one on the outside (the external sphincter) and one deeper inside at the entry to the rectum, at the end of the anal canal. (The anal canal is the passage through the body wall that connects the open air to your rectum.) The two rings of muscle are only a half inch or so apart, but you have to pass through both to get into the rectum, and they can clamp tightly shut if they are feeling moody! The external one is easier to relax, but the internal one will clamp shut regardless of what you or your partner wishes if you are feeling anxious, fearful or frightened. Trying to get through its impenetrable barrier is then difficult and often extremely painful - not that the owner of the muscle is likely to let you try.

For men: the best way to start anal exploration with your partner is to incorporate it into your overall sex play. When a woman is getting aroused, you can play with her anus using a little pressure to begin probing her opening. You're going to have to make some kind of judgment about how much she enjoys it (of course you could always ask her how it feels), and judge your progress accordingly.

Sharing that secret special place with your partner is, or can be, a very loving act, and the permission to enter someone's body like this deserves to be respected by the penetrating partner. It's therefore important to work up to it gradually, by stroking and massaging the area around the opening, and giving the receiving partner time to get used to these new feelings. (Eventually of course, once they are confident, everything will proceed much quicker.)

Once they have given you the go-ahead, find the exact center of the opening. It's not always obvious, so do check. Once you've found it, gently press with your fingertip (and don't forget the lube), while your partner mentally and physically relaxes and welcomes your finger into their body. This has to be a conscious choice - an act of will. Often a rhythmic pushing motion helps - your finger may go further in each time until it finally slides through the two rings of muscle and enters their rectum.

A pretty good recipe for a man stimulating a woman in this way is to excite her clitoris and vulva with your tongue, while you gently massage the sensitive spots inside her vagina with one finger and gently massage her anus, anal canal or the wall of her rectum with another finger. Pressing or massaging the wall of her rectum nearest her vagina often transmits exciting sensations to her vagina. Be adventurous - play! And remember not to swap fingers between ass and vagina.

For a women stimulating a man in this way, the prostate gland is exquisitely sensitive. Normally, of course, it is hidden away, but a quirk of nature means that it can be gently massaged from inside the rectum. If a guy is lying on his back, the prostate is on the upper side of his rectum, and it can be stimulated by a finger gently massaging it through the wall of the rectum. For the lover who is massaging a man's prostate, caution is the watchword, because this allows you to establish what degree of pressure will be pleasant for him. And indeed, what sort of movement - circles, strokes, gentle pressure - whatever. Again - be adventurous, and play!

Watch out for part 3 of this series n anal sex. Find it by searching on Anal Sex Advice Part 3.